so how r u suppose to survive this world knowing that the one thing u couldnt be happier about,loved even befor it was born was taken away from u with a blink of an eye?? uve guessed it right i had a miscarrige='[ yesterday it was a waterwork of emotions...from the minute i saw blood to the 4 hours in the hospital to the phone calls to the important ppl...ive been told "hey it was meant to be" or "it was gods will" and wait my fav.."ur body gets ride of things that r deformed". whatever the choice of words that have been thrown my way i havent come to accept it.damn this was the best thing that has happen to be me and within a blink of an eye a matter of seconds it was taken away=/ my unborn child something that i was excited and loved without even seeing its face...i know some r like but u werent even that far along nd ur right in fact i was 7 weeks monday wudve been 8 weeks but to know something U made is growing inside of u is the most special nd warm feeling u can ever experience..to know this baby will love u unconditionally, that it will have ur eyes, ur toes, ur hair whatever it might have itll be apart of u...damn i was already talking to it and lookin for things...i even picked out its first stuffed animal, a purple monkey(just like in one-tree-hill). i woke up at 4 this morning with tears...i cudnt hold them nd for the first time in my life i spoke to my nana...she came into mind cus earlier they has told me shes watching over MY baby.. so i cried nd cried and spoke to a lady that had died when i was to young to even know her but knowing she had my kid i somehow felt an obligation to talk to her...how some ppl r able to do it i will never understand...infact hearing one of my friends cud be pregnant made me break down nd cry...not cus i wasnt happy for her i was but cus im not ne more...i now come to an understand how my best friend feels. befor i wud say i noe i noe but until uve lost something like that you dont know the pain..ive gone from hurt to down right angry...how in the world is GOD going to give me such a big blessing nd then see how happy i was nd take it away???im not gnna lie i was scared shitless fuck im 17 who wudnt be scared but i was over it and ready.opps oh well now i guess its just a lesson learned huh??all things that happen to u r lessons learned huh?my mind is soo mixed up i cant focus of one thing for to long..nd the bf nd i's relationship is on the rocks nd im scared cus i noe myself im one to push away when im hurt and i already see myself doing it infact i deleted myspace...shocker..well it might takeahile to be fully around ppl but i can do it i hope..the bf went out tonight kinda okay with it kinda not...i dont know my jelousy issues r starting to resurfus but can u blame me i was sancha for 3 years almost i noe how the game is..im scared karmas waiting to bite me..nd when it does its gnna be hard..well b4 i start to cry i will sign off toodles.....mayb awhile till i return
bye
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